Slimes

#1: UNICORN SQUIRTS

While I was exploring the forest near my house recently, I encountered a herd of wild unicorns drinking from a stream.  There must have been something yucky in the water that day, as these unicorns were blowing big old fart after fart.  When they left, I noticed those farts were of the wet variety, and that they had left some deposits.  I quickly scooped up their unicorn squirt trails and turned them into a delightful slime – just for you!  Add to Cart

#2: DOG BARF

My dog Rider likes to eat disgusting things.  One time, he ate a dead, decaying bird.  Another time he ate an entire raw chicken.  Once or twice he even ate my baby sister’s poop.  If you think that’s gross, you should see what his vomit looks like following these putrid meals!  After cleaning it all up and throwing it out so many times, I decided to package and offer this rank dog barf as a special slime – just to you!  Add to Cart

#3: OGRE PUS

I love the movie Shrek, and so I’m always on the hunt for ogres. One day not long ago while strolling through the woods, I discovered a small tribe of the big green dudes hidden away through the bushes.  They were friendly creatures, but worried I was going to give their location away to others.  So, they offered me compensation to keep quiet, the most valuable thing they had to offer… oozing ogre pus.  I now bring it to you as a special one-of-a-kind slime!  Add to Cart

#4: PRINCESS WARTS

Everybody thinks that princesses are supposed to be beautiful.  Not true.  I know one that is a hideous, ugly wench with a face covered in warts!  It struck me one day that maybe her disgustingness would make for a great component in one of my creations.  So late one night I snuck into her castle and carefully sliced off all her nasty disease bubbles and brought them back in a satchel.  Voila, a slime made just for you!  Add to Cart

#5: MELTED IGUANA

My dad used to tell me stories about his awful pet iguana, Vincent.  I’m not sure why he kept this creature; it would regularly bite his fingers and make them bleed, scratch his skin with its half-inch talons, or whip his wrists with its lightening fast tail.  As a way to defend the honor of my poor dad, I’ve retaliated against that mean old lizard.  Henceforth, I bring you the melted iguana… years of anguish melted away and served up as slime – just for you!  Add to Cart

#6: TROLL DUMP

When I was 9, a troll stopped me from crossing his bridge.  He demanded money but I had nothing to give, other than a giant bag of beans.  Little did this dim-witted sucker know that I wasn’t there to pass, I was there waiting for him to pass… a big old troll dump that is. Sure enough, not long after he feasted, he laid a big one in a bush — of which I bagged up and brought back to re-purpose into a slime – just for you!  Add to Cart

#7: MEDUSA BLOOD

My grandpa once traveled to Greece to explore some caves in search of ancient scrolls.  What he found was much more sinister.  The half woman, half serpent goddess known as Medusa slithered out behind a rock instead.  Before she had a chance to turn him into stone, gramps unleashed his pocket knife on her slimy belly.  Out poured her toxic guts, in which he bottled up and brought home to me so I can bring it to you – as slime!  Add to Cart

#8: WORM MUSH

My sister is sort of gross.  She enjoys digging for purple earthworms in my dad’s garden and storing them in a giant tub in the basement.  From time to time they crawl out and find their way into my bedroom drawers.  It’s so annoying.  So one day while she was at school I took a blender and made mush of those juicy worms. Now I bring it to you – as slime!  Add to Cart

#9: ELF DRIZZLE

Have you ever seen an elf up close?  Not the dwarf kind that work for Santa, I talk of the handsome kind with white hair that star in Lord of the Rings.  They’re a very attractive species, or so my sister thinks.  On my birthday last year, an injured elf showed up at my doorstep looking for help.  Sis bandaged his open elf wounds and kissed him farewell.  Little did she know that I kept his bandage drizzle and now serve it up to you – as slime!  Add to Cart

#10: FAIRY SNOT

Did you know fairies suffer from bad allergies?  It’s true…  They’re small and magical, yes, but they produce a crap load of nostril juice.  Always blowing their snouts and wiping it on their tiny fairy dresses or leaving trails of diminutive boogers after they take your teeth.  I just can’t stand it!   So the last time I lost a tooth, I left behind a tiny box of tissues under my pillow.  In the morning, I had a silver dollar and a bunch of fairy snot awaiting, of which I now bring to you – as a slime!  Add to Cart

#11: BRAIN TAFFY

When my grandma was young, she didn’t have much money.  One night her husband, who worked at the county morgue, came home with a big bag of brains and asked her to cook them up for dinner.  Brain soup?  Too runny.  Brain roast?  Too plain.  Brain Toast.  Too dry.  “I’ve got it,” she said, “Brain Taffy!”   Voila, now I bring the sweet old recipe to you – as a slime!  Add to Cart

#12: TOAD JAM

There’s a place up in Michigan I vacation every summer with my family where the toads are plump and plentiful.  My sister and I like catching, playing and releasing them every time we visit.  One evening, when preparing to dump our captive green buddies back into the murky pond, an old man approached and showed us how to make better use by squeezing their innards between two pieces of bread.  It’s not very kind, but dang is it good!  I now bring this sweet toad jam to you – as a slime!  Add to Cart

#13: DIY ROTTEN SLIME KIT

So you think you have what it takes to make your own Rotten Slime, eh?  My DIY Rotten Slime Kits give you everything needed to create something horrific and have your parents in fumes!  You’ll receive all the key ingredients as well as a few surprise elements personally selected by me, the Rotten Slime Queen, to make your masterpiece slimer-ific! Add to Cart

 

DON’T SEE WHAT YOU WANT?  WE CAN CUSTOM  MAKE ROTTEN SLIMES TO YOUR LIKING AND PROVIDE THEIR OWN UNIQUE ROTTEN STORIES TAILORED TO YOUR VISION.  EMAIL ROTTENSLIMES@GMAIL.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.   

INGREDIENTS: All Rotten Slimes are made with a blend of school glue, borax, contact lens solution, food dye, essential oils and additional texture enhancers such as foam balls, beads, glitter, iron shavings, sand, etc.  They are safe to play with for children seven and over but should not be digested.